Tearstains
by alBBie
Summary: Hermione discovers she is pregnant the summer before her 7th year. Will she be able to handle the baby? And who's child is it? Will her boyfriend be able to handle the truth that it's not his? R&R chapter 8 up
1. Heart Full of Pain

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and friends (and enemies) all belong to the lovely and talented Joanna K. Rowling.

Tearstains Chapter One Flashback 

_"We shouldn't be doing this." _

_"Ssssh... It's alright." _

_"You're right._

End Flashback 

"Okay, it's time," Ginny told me, heaving a big sigh.

I swallowed hard. "Just read it already," I instructed.

"Okay, umm... It is..." Ginny said as she studied the pregnancy test against the booklet that had come with it.

_Negative. Negative. Negative. Negative. Negative. _I pleaded silently in my head.

I heard Ginny give a quick and quiet but sharp intake of breath.

"What is it?" I whispered. My voice was barely working.

"Positive," Ginny answered in an equally quiet voice.

Positive? That was impossible. I wasn't pregnant. I couldn't be! I hadn't even started my seventh year at Hogwarts! I wasn't ready to be a mother!

I turned to Ginny and she hugged me. The tears were cascading down my face, dampening the shoulder her black sweatshirt.

"Sssssh... It's alright," she told me, rubbing my back. I realized that she had said the same thing that the father of this god-forsaken child had said before... Well, before the kid was conceived. I cried harder. "The hardest part is just going to be telling Ron," she promised.

I licked my lips. I hadn't told her the truth yet.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Hey, Ron," I said, entering his bedroom later that day. "Look, I really need to talk to you.

"What is it?" he asked, putting down the book he had been reading.

I closed my eyes and sat down on the bed that had been set up for Harry next to Ron's bed. This was ten times harder than I had imagined it to be.

"Well... I don't really know how to ease into telling you this, so I'm just going to be straightforward with you," I told him, my eyes still closed tightly. "I'm pregnant." I spat out the last words as though they were a bad taste in my mouth. They were.

"What?" Ron breathed. "Is this some kind of joke, Hermione? Because if it is-" I interrupted him.

"It's not, Ron. Why would I lie to you about this?" I said, opening my eyes.

"But, Hermione... We've never -" Ron started.

The tears started pouring out again. "I know.

As much as Ron may have hated me at that moment, I knew that deep down inside he still loved me as he pulled my frail figure into a tight hug. I cursed myself for being such a bitch. How could I have done such a thing to Ron? To myself! If I had known the consequences, I know I would have never done that...

For the first time ever, I didn't want to go back to school.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I told Mrs. Weasley before I told my own parents. After all, I was staying at her house and I needed a reason to be leaving.

"Oh, Hermione," she said sadly, giving me a big bear hug. It took all my strength to keep from crying again. I had been doing a lot of that lately.

"Thanks for letting me stay here, Mrs. Weasley," I replied gratefully. Or at least I felt grateful. My voice probably didn't sound it, though.

I hugged Ginny. She told me she'd visit me. Then I left. I didn't want to leave. Even though being at the Weasley's house meant being with Ron, it still would be more comfortable than being at my own house. I didn't want to have to tell even more people the news. By now the whole Weasley family plus Harry knew, and that's a lot in itself. Every time I told someone, it became more real. I was pregnant. In nine months I would have a child. A child I would have to take care of and care for and feed and change the diapers of. It was almost too much information and fear for my brain to hold in. That's why I cried.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Hi Mom and Dad," I said, hugging my parents and plastering a fake smile on my face. But nothing could disguise the red tearstains running down my face.

"Hermione," my mother said worriedly. "What's wrong?" She wore a look of concern that added more wrinkles to her face.

"I really have to tell you guys something," I said, following my parents into the living room.

"Yes, we know. You told us in your letter," my mom reminded me.

"Hermione," my dad said seriously. "Has anyone hurt you in anyway?" My dad said this so seriously I almost laughed for the first time in two weeks. It wasn't enough though. Nothing would be enough to make me smile again.

"No, Dad," I reassured him. "Well, no one except for maybe myself. I'm just going to be straightforward with you two about this," I said, repeating the speech I had used on Ron. My eyes were squeezed shut tightly. "I. Am. Pregnant." I told them robotically. It almost felt like a ritual; I had said it so many times. Still it didn't feel real. It wouldn't be real until my stomach started to grow and probably not until my water broke. But I had to believe it. I had to know that this horrible thing was really happening to me.

"What?" my mom whispered, her mouth in a huge "o" shape.

"Is it with that Ronald boy that visited last year? Because he seems like a nice boy..." my father started to say. I interrupted him.

"That's the thing," I said, my voice wavering. "It's not with him. I never... Did that with him." I threw my head into my hands, tears slipping through the cracks between my fingers. I had never felt so incredibly guilty in my whole entire life.

After a moments' silence, my dad finally spoke. "Who's the father then?" he asked.

I took a deep breath before answering the question.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Now the only people who knew the truth were Ginny and my parents. Ron didn't exactly want to know. I decided that I would wait until school started up again before I'd tell everyone the truth. But I knew the longer I postponed it, the more it hurt, and the more the truth ate away at me from the inside.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

A/N: Okay, this is my first attempt at a serious story. Success or failure? Be truthful but PLEASE no flamers! And who do you guys want the dad to be?


	2. Head Full of Stress

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: For some reason when I end a paragraph with dialogue, the ending quotation mark doesn't show up once I upload the story onto fanfiction.net. Please pardon the absence of the mark, but as you may or may not have noticed, I try to add more things after the speaking so that the quotation mark stays there.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chapter Two 

When we arrived on Platform 9 3/4 I felt sure that everyone was staring at me. That everyone knew the truth and they were staring at me just to challenge me to speak up.

"They don't know," Ginny whispered to me. I nodded, trusting her.

We filed onto the train and found an empty compartment for Harry, Ginny, Ron, and me to stay in. When the train started to move, I was the only one not leaning out the window, waving madly. And when everyone calmed down there was nothing but silence. All I could hear were the noises of the train moving out of the station. It was deafening and extremely uncomfortable.

"I'm just going to take a little walk... See who else is here," I replied, giving a lame excuse for me to walk around the train alone.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Ginny asked me.

"That's okay," I said quietly, leaving the compartment.

I started walking slowly through the train, my head hung low. I bumped into someone.

"Watch it, mudblood," it said.

I looked up. It was Malfoy. I had to tell him.

"Malfoy," I whispered.

"Yes, that is my name," he replied. He tried to push by me. "If you don't mind, Granger, some of us have things to do." I put my hand out to stop him from passing.

"Malfoy, I have to tell you something," I said seriously, the waterworks coming.

"What is it?" he asked, now extremely fed up. "Granger, I hook up with a lot of girls, but that doesn't make us best friends.

"Yeah, but do you get all of them pregnant?" I responded, now looking him straight in the eye.

He didn't reply for a minute.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he finally said.

"I think you know perfectly well what it means," I answered.

"You're..." he trailed off as though it was too much for him to take in. That was how I felt.

I nodded.

"And you didn't... with anyone else?" he asked.

"No," I replied quietly.

His head rolled up toward the ceiling. "Oh, man," he moaned. "You have _got_ to be kidding me! SHIT!" He slammed his hand against the wall of the train. "What the fuck is this going to do to my reputation? My life! When my fucking father hears about this... I'll never see the fucking light of fucking day again!" He hit the wall a second time and cursed under his breath.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at my feet.

"It's not your fault," he reassured me.

What? Malfoy being nice and reassuring? That's kind of hard to picture...

"What are we going to do?" I asked him, wiping my eyes.

"We? What are _we_ going to do?" he replied.

"Yes we, Malfoy," I told him. "This baby is half yours! I'm not raising it by myself!

He put his head in his hands and leaned against the wall.

"This is insane," he said. "Fucking insane." He brought his head upright again. "Look, there's nothing much for me to do until the baby is born, right?" he asked hopefully.

"I guess not," I responded.

"So... when this kid is born, then we can start being seen in public together and I will bear the cold, hard truth," he said.

"Whatever. This is ridiculous," I said, folding my arms.

"What? You said yourself that there wasn't much for me to do until it's born! And we're not such great friends, so I think people might find it a little bit surprising and strange that two enemies are hanging out together," Malfoy told me.

"Fine, whatever," was my response. I turned around and walked back to my compartment.

As I slid open the door, I felt slightly relieved. It was kind of a weight off my shoulders that I had confronted the father and told him. But I still wasn't prepared for what was to come.

"You okay?" Ginny asked me quietly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said truthfully. "I'm fine." I smiled.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

A/N: Cheesy... I know... But what can I do? Do people want the story to be happier or do you want it to stay sad? Please review! I only have one review right now!


	3. Handful of Anger

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: I just wanted to say thanks to my few reviewers!

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chapter Three 

I felt better throughout the rest of the train ride to Hogwarts. I even laughed a few times at Ron and Harry's stupid jokes. I guess that I just needed to spend some real time with my friends. They're always the best at cheering you up.

When we arrived at school, we sat through the sorting and ate our dinner before Ron said anything directly to me. It wasn't until we were walking up to the common room when he pulled me aside. I guessed that he had already told the others what he was doing before he did it because they didn't call our names once we separated from them.

"I'm ready to know," Ron said.

"Ready to know what?" I asked him, even though I knew perfectly well what he was talking about.

He gave me a slightly annoyed and skeptical look. "Who the father is," he said.

"Oh," I looked down at my shoes. I knew I had to tell him but I wished that someone else could or I could write the name down on a piece of paper and run away before he looked at it. But I had to tell him. I sighed before I said, "Malfoy.

Ron raised his eyebrows so high that they almost disappeared in his hair. Then his face turned beet red. "I guessed it was either him or Harry. But you were too natural around Harry so I guess it had to be him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to my shoes.

I could see Ron shrug out of the top of my eyes.

"So how's it going to be now?" he asked. "With you and me?

I licked my lips. "I don't know.

"I don't think we're together anymore," he said.

"I know," I replied quietly. I was feeling depressed and like I was about to cry again. And I had just been so happy!

"I'm going up to the common room," Ron told me. He turned on his heel and walked off almost at a march toward the staircase that would lead him to his destination.

I turned and leaned against the wall, wiping my eyes. I felt so horrible. How could I have done such an evil thing to Ron? So maybe I had been a little bit drunk, but that wasn't an excuse. I was still thinking and I knew what I was doing. It just didn't seem like a problem at the time. I didn't think that maybe something bad could actually happen and that I was treading into dangerous territory by doing what I did with Malfoy- Draco. I had to start calling him Draco.

"Hi," someone said, coming up to me. I looked up. It was Draco.

"Hi," I said curiously.

"You looked upset," he stated.

"I am a little," I said, wiping my eyes on the edge of my sleeve.

"I thought that since we were... I would be a little bit nice and as what was wrong," he said, sounding nervous.

"Thanks," I responded. "I just told Ron that you were the father.

"Oh," Draco replied. "Great, now he's going to come after me in the halls and try and hex me behind my back.

I laughed slightly forcedly. "No he won't," I assured.

Draco shrugged. "Well, I'd better be going. See you," he said with a wave. He turned and walked off down the hallway.

"Bye," I said quietly, knowing he couldn't hear me.

Then I turned and walked up to the common room. Harry and Ginny were talking in hushed voices by the fire. They stopped when they noticed I came in.

"Where's Ron?" I asked.

"Upstairs," Ginny answered. "He seemed pretty upset. Didn't take the news very well, I guess?

So they did know what he was doing. "He took it okay, but I could tell that he was extremely upset," I told them. Suddenly it occurred to me that I had never told Harry who the father was. "Harry, do you know...?

"No," he said, shaking his head.

"Oh. Well, do you want to?

"Yeah," he said. I could tell he was trying not to sound too rude or pushy.

"Draco," I replied, remembering to call him by his first name. "Well, I'm going to bed now. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in ages. Good night.

And with that I turned and walked up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

A/N: Kind of short, but oh well. I have ideas for what's going to happen, but I only have ideas for after the baby is born. I guess I might just give a summary of what happened before then, and then make her have it and stuff. Should I have more humor in the story? PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Also, please review! Thanks.


	4. Held in my Chest

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: Thanks so much to all my reviewers! I haven't read all the reviews yet, but I will!

To The Miss: It might not be a big deal to you that you have a baby, but it is to this character and I personally know that if I had a baby suddenly at the character's age, I would not be particularly happy.

I have a new method of trying to get the ending quotation marks to work. Hopefully this method works!!!!!!!!!

To the story...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Chapter Four 

My parents informed Dumbledore about the news. He wanted to have a meeting with me. All he did was ask who the father was and told me that he'd inform my other teachers. It was good that he did tell them, though, because soon I started throwing up in the middle of class a lot. Much to my dismay, I began to miss lots of lessons.

One day, I was lying on a bed in the Hospital Wing when my friends paid me a visit. I didn't really think I needed to be in there, but Madame Pomfrey insisted on keeping me.

"Hi, Hermione," Ginny said happily. "Feeling okay?".

"Yeah," I answered. "I don't know why I'm being kept in here.".

"It's okay. Madame Pomfrey said that she was going to let you out soon," Ginny assured me.

"Have a Chocolate Frog," Harry said, handing me a box.

"Thanks," I said, taking it from him.

"Well, Harry, don't you think we should...er... do that Potions assignment? Yeah, let's go finish that," said Ginny awkwardly, dragging Harry off with her. I then saw Ron standing quietly at the end of my bed.

"Hi," I said.

He waved weakly.

"Anything you want to talk about?" I asked.

"No," replied Ron, folding his arms.

"Well, I want to talk about something," I said, sitting up in my bed. "I know it'll be hard, and I'll understand perfectly well if you don't want to, but I still want to be your friend. I really do.".

"Well it'll take time," Ron responded grumpily.

"I know. And if there's something- or something_s_ you want to tell me, no matter how mean they are, please, by all means, tell me. I want to hear what you have to say to me.".

"Really?".

I nodded.

A small smile crept over Ron's face. "Okay, then. I was wondering how you could do that? And with Malfoy of all people? All he's ever been is a horrible person, so how you could go off and have sex with him, I really don't understand. All day he walks around calling you horrible names and hexing all of us, but you feel like you can go sleep with him instead of your own boyfriend. You don't know how much I liked you, Hermione! Yes, I'm talking in past tense, likED. I don't know if I can even be your friend again after what you've done to me. It's like you've ripped out my still-beating heart and then eaten it for breakfast right in front of my eyes. And then you've thrown it up during Charms class! That's what it's like. And you don't know half of what I'm feeling, Hermione. As much as you might like to pretend you do, you don't!".

"I'm so sorry," I said after a pause.

"Yeah, well sorry isn't going to cut it, Hermione!" Ron was now redder than a strawberry. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the Hospital Wing.

I had never felt so unbelievably sorry in my whole life. Maybe before I was sad and I regretted what I had done, but those feelings didn't compare to what I was feeling now. I wish I could somehow make this slowly growing child inside my body disappear. Maybe the feelings wouldn't go away with it, but it could help with the healing process.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The days went on and soon I stopped my sudden barf attacks during class. My stomach was growing steadily now and Ron was ignoring me. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye even if I wanted to. Ginny and I were now trying daily to think up ways to disguise the size of my belly, but we were not succeeding.

"Why don't we research hexes that make your stomach huge, and pretend that you got hit with one of those?" Ginny finally suggested one day when we had nixed the idea of buttoning up my cloak all the way to my chin and over my stomach. We had agreed that that made me look like a pregnant reverend. So much for black being the color that makes things look smaller.

"That's better than anything else we've ever come up with," I said sadly, unbuttoning the cloak. I sighed. This was useless. Soon the whole school would know that I was pregnant and I would be labeled The Slut of Hogwarts. What a great way to end my years of school.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I hadn't been seeing Ma- Draco a lot lately. Even if I did, though, I would feel to guilty to talk to him. But the Christmas holiday was just a week away, and though I didn't really want to spend time with my parents, I would at least get away from Ron's avoidance of me. I wasn't staying at school with Ron and Harry this year. I needed a break from- well, everything.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

But Christmas came and went very quickly and then it was pregnant me back to depressing school. I knew very well that the baby was do in a few months, so I decided to go tell _Draco_. Lucky for me, I spotted him in the hallway one day after dinner.

"M- Draco," I said just as he was about to turn a corner.

He spun around and looked slightly nervous when he saw me. "Hermione," he said.

I walked toward him. "I wanted to tell you something," I said.

"What?" he asked.

"Well, I think the baby is due in a few months, just to warn you.".

"A few? How many is a few?".

"Maybe... around two and a half?" I guessed.

He nodded before walking off, then I continued walking up to the third floor.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Those "around two and a half" months went by faster than I had anticipated. Before I knew what was happening, I was in labor. I had been dragged off to the Hospital Wing by Ginny and Harry where Madame Pomfrey started putting weird spells on me and making me drink all sorts of potions. I hadn't really expected the Hospital Wing to be the place where I gave birth, but I guess there wasn't really enough time to ship me off to St. Mungo's.

I'm not going to give you all the details because it's rather, well, gross, but after all the grossness finished, I found myself with a little baby girl in my arms. Then, faster than you can say "I haven't named it yet" Madame Pomfrey snatched her out of my hands and told me to go to sleep. And before I knew it, I did.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

A/N: Kind of strange ending. I know everything is happening so quickly, but what details can I give? I'm going to post another chapter but it will probably be the last one for 8 weeks. I'm going off to camp so I won't be able to update any of my stories. But please be ready for more to review once I get back! Speaking of reviewing, why don't you review this one! :) Thanks.


	5. Uphill Struggle

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: Satan Barbie: I Just wanted to say that all your reviews are _hilarious_ and not just the one for this story! Please review all my chapters a lot because I laugh out loud every time I read them :D

To the story!

Chapter Five 

I woke up groggily God only knows how much later. Ginny and Harry came excitedly into the room asking to see the baby. Madame Pomfrey told them that they couldn't see it yet, but they could see me.

"Am I not good enough?" I joked.

Ginny spotted me and rushed over. "Hi Hermione! How are you? Have you seen the baby?".

"I'm fine and yes, I've seen her," I told them.

"So it's a girl?" Ginny asked.

I nodded.

"Oh! Congratulations!" Ginny squealed, giving me a hug. "Have you thought of a name yet?".

I shook my head.

"Are you going to let the scumbag Malfoy help you with that?" Harry wondered aloud.

"I guess," I replied.

"Sorry, no offense... I just don't like him very much," Harry said.

"I know," I replied, smiling. "Where's Ron?".

"Right here," someone said from the doorway. It was Ron.

"Potions homework!" Ginny said suddenly, jumping up, grabbing Harry's arm, and dragging him past Ron and out of the room.

"So, how is... it...?" Ron asked, slowly walking to my bed.

"Good," I answered, slightly nervously. "It's a she.".

"How are you going to go about naming it?".

I shrugged. "I don't even know who should have say in what its name is. I mean, I want you to, even though you probably don't want to, and I guess Draco should, also. And I want to ask Ginny for help, but then it gets so complicated.".

"You should name it," said Ron, sitting down on the bed next to mine.

"It's not just mine though," I said.

"It's not mine. So you and Draco should name it.".

"No, I- I don't know," I looked at my hands. "This is too difficult.".

"Well, I... have to go." Ron got up. "Just let Malfoy name the thing. Bye.".

"Bye.".

A few minutes later, Draco popped his head through the door.

"Thought I should drop by," he said quietly, walking slowly toward my bed.

"Nice of you to think that," I replied.

"Where's the... er... thing?" Draco asked me uncomfortably.

"I don't know," I said. "Pomfrey stole it.".

"Really?" Draco raised an eyebrow. "Have you seen it yet?".

"Yeah. It's a girl. Want to help me with the name?".

"Er... Not really," Draco told me.

"That's nice," I said. "Don't even want to think of a name for your own daughter. You're going to be a bad father, did you know that?".

Draco shrugged. "I'm bad with names. And can you not tell that this whole thing has just weirded the crap out of me? I mean, I'm becoming a father. My own father- who is soon going to be a grandfather- doesn't even know what's going on! And I don't plan on telling him...".

"How are you just not going to tell your father?" I asked.

"I'll just- Look, I don't even want to be..." Draco stammered. "I don't want to see my father for... for a long time, okay? I just, I don't want to see him. And it doesn't really matter whether he knows or not, okay?".

I nodded slowly, confused.

"Look, I have to go," Draco started to walk toward the door.

"Wait!" I said. He stopped.

"What?".

"Can we just please name the baby first?".

He sat back down again.

"Ginevra," I said, the name coming to me as I thought of Ginny. "How about Ginevra?".

"You want me to name my kid after a Weasley? I hope that's a joke...".

"Well, what would you rather name it? Pansy?".

Draco laughed. "Fine, we'll name it Ginevra. But it has to have a good middle name.".

"How about... Hermione!" I suggested, half joking.

"Ginevra Hermione Malfoy," Draco said. "Quite the oxymoron, eh?".

"Yeah," I agreed, laughing. "How about Narcissa? After your mom.".

Draco shook his head quickly. "Definitely not.".

"Why not?" I asked.

"Just... Because.".

"Okay..." I said, still curious. But I knew when to stop prying for answers.

"So, what, then?" I asked, racking my brain for names. Then one came to my mind: Ronald. I knew it was a boys' name, and that would be two Weasley names, but I felt so bad for Ron, it seemed nice to name my kid after him. "Ronald." I said quietly, knowing what Draco's response would be.

"What?" Draco asked.

"Ronald...?" I said, slightly louder.

Draco laughed loudly. "I hope you're kidding, Hermione, because I'm not giving my child _two_ Weasley names.".

"Fine, you think of a better one! Just pick any old name that you like!".

"Whatever, lets just go with the other one, Ginevra Hermione Malfoy.".

"Fine," I said, folding my arms.

"Okay, well, glad that's settled. I can go now, right?" Draco asked.

I nodded, smiling slightly. He briskly walked off without another word.

A/N: Ginevra Hermione Malfoy. Egad... do you like that? Not sure if I do.

I decided to rewrite the chapter to try and take out a bit of humor. Please R&R!


	6. Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

00000 00000

In a few days I was up and about again. Madame Pomfrey let me take the baby with me. I kept it in a little baby basket near my bed. The very first night, though, the baby started wailing in its sleep. Of course, that woke up everyone including myself, and I had to quickly grab her and take her outside to calm her down. She wouldn't shut up for ten minutes so I went downstairs to the common room with her in my arms. Eventually we both fell asleep in front of the glowing embers that were what was left of the fire.

00000 00000

"Had some trouble last night, Mione?" was what I woke up to. I opened an eye to see Ginny standing above me, a small grin upon her face. "It even woke me up".

"Oh, God," I replied, keeping my eyes closed. I was exhausted.

"Look, I'll take care of her while you get yourself ready," Ginny said, picking up Ginevra and helping me out of the chair.

I smiled in thanks and slowly made my way to the girls' dormitories.

00000 00000

I luckily made it through breakfast and my first few classes without any interruptions from Ginevra, but halfway through History of Magic, my lucky streak ended. Ginevra started to cry hysterically. I resented the fact that I had to bring her to every one of my classes.

"Ssshh!" I hissed at her.

Professor Binns barely even noticed as I grabbed the baby and rushed out of the classroom. I re-entered it a few minutes later, receiving stares and pitiful expressions from my fellow classmates. I wasn't surprised.

00000 00000

I spent that evening in my dormitory with Ginevra, staying with her while she slept to make sure she didn't wake up and start screaming again. The rest of the Gryffindor students hung out having a semi-party in the common room. I tried to block their laughter out of my ears. I envied them and their normal life.

00000 00000

The next day was similar; I had to leave another one of my classes- this time it was Potions, which was extremely scary - because of Ginevra, and I was exhausted by the end of the day. Even so, I was thrilled and grateful when Ginny offered to take care of the baby so I could relax and have fun with my friends in the common room.

"Oh, Ginny, thank you so much!" I cried, throwing my arms around her neck. "You don't know how much this means to me!"

Ginny smiled. "No problem. Hey, what are friends for?".

"You're more than a friend. You're an angel".

I went downstairs to the common room and sat down in a chair next to Ron and Harry.

"Hi," I said happily.

"What's gotten you so happy?" Harry asked.

"Ginny agreed to take care of Ginevra for the evening so I could spend time with some friends I haven't really hung out with in a while," I explained, trying to make eye contact with Ron, as much as it hurt.

"That was nice of her," Harry said with a smile. "Oh, it looks like Neville is having trouble with his Potions homework. I'll go see if I can help him out".

So Ron and I were alone. What a surprise. I didn't know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut and stared at my bitten down fingernails. But finally he spoke, breaking the awkward silence that was engulfing us, despite the fact that people were laughing and talking loudly all around us.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said, almost whispering.

I looked up. He was staring at his hands, which were clasped together tightly, knuckles white.

"Sorry for what?" I asked.

"Yelling at you and not being friendly with you and just the way that I've been treating you for the past few months," Ron said, still staring at his hands.

"You have nothing to apologize about, Ron," I said. "I should be apologizing. I'm so, so sorry for everything I've done. I know I've said this, and I know there's nothing I can do or say to make you feel any better inside, but I just want you to know that I feel terribly, and if you want to ignore me for the rest of your life, you're allowed to. I'll understand".

Ron smiled. It was a small smile, but it still was a smile. "So you had sex with Malfoy, big deal," Ron said. "I'm going to have to be a big boy about it and just face the facts. Life's a bitch sometimes, but I'm going to have to get through it. I know it will take a lot of willpower and time, but I'm going to make myself do it. I still cant get over the fact that you had sex with Malfoy, but," he shrugged, "it was a mistake, and I'll accept your apology".

"Thanks," I said, my voice barely a whisper, but my smile huge. I wanted to give him a hug to sort of seal the deal, and restart what would hopefully be a friendship, but then I thought maybe it would make Ron uncomfortable. Suddenly he reached across his chair and pulled me into a hug. It was the best one I'd had in a while.

00000 00000

The next day I entered Transfiguration tired from a loud night before. I noticed M- Draco eyeing Ginevra and then quickly looking away. I took my seat and shortly into the lesson, the baby burst into tears. I sighed and reluctantly took her out of her little baby carrier basket and left the room, catching a pitiful look from McGonagall as I did so.

"Please be quiet!" I moaned, shaking her lightly. My voice echoed through the empty hallway, intertwined with her screams and wails. Suddenly the door to the classroom opened and Malfoy emerged.

"McGonagall said I should help you with the- er, Ginevra, seeing as that I am the father," he explained.

"Take her," I breathed, thrusting the baby into his arms. He looked startled.

"What do I do?" he asked.

I shrugged and leaned against the cold, marble wall, my eyes closed. I breathed deeply. Ginevra quieted down a bit.

"It must be hard," Draco said quietly, almost as though he didn't even want me to hear him say it.

I nodded. "It is".

"Well, don't think I don't have to deal with it, either," Draco said, obviously trying to sound consoling. I raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't have to deal with it as badly as you do, but people still think of me differently, now that I've... had a baby with a mudblood".

I sighed and stood up straight. "Is that still all that you think of me as?" I asked.

"No," he replied, "That's what _they_ think of you as. I think of you as Hermione, the girl I hate to admit my feelings about, but I can't really help the fact that I like her as more than just someone I have to spend time with because we... share offspring".

A smile crept up my face. "You like me?" I responded doubtfully.

"Well, why do you think I slept with you in the first place?" he asked.

I grinned and even giggled a bit. Then I leaned in to hug him. It was awkward, with Ginevra in the middle, but it still had the same meaning. I looked up at him and he leaned in to kiss me. I felt his lips brush against mine but then I turned away. I had to admit that I had feelings for him, but I still wasn't ready to kiss him. I still had feelings for Ron, feelings besides just sadness and guilt.

"Sorry," Draco said, leaning back.

I took Ginevra back and re-entered the classroom.

00000 00000

A/N: Did you like that chapter? I'm not sure if I'm happy with the ending but I'm kind of in a hurry to go to bed... it's midnight And also I sort of felt like I should end it like that, with a slight air of mystery ;) Anyway, review, PLEASE :D and tell me what you think of everything that went on in this chapter...


	7. Nothing to Gain

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Chapter Seven

00000

I pretty much avoided Draco as much as I could for the next few weeks. It was hard, what with Ginevra bursting into tears nearly three classes a day. Luckily, though, only one of those was a class that I had with Draco. I hurriedly left the classroom, followed by him a few seconds later.

"I can handle it," I said abruptly.

He looked slightly offended, but turned around quickly and re-entered the classroom without saying a word.

00000

By now it was April and the weather was starting to get warmer. Students spent more time outdoors, basking in the sun and sitting under trees. I decided it would be a good idea for Ginevra to spend some time outdoors, so I took her outside and found Harry, Ginny, and Ron sitting lazily under a tree.

"Hi," I said, sitting down next to Ginny.

"Hey, Hermione," Ginny said, putting down the quill and parchment she had been holding. "Hi, Ginevra," she then said, in a different voice. She picked up the baby out of the baby carrier.

I laughed. People were so odd around babies.

Ginny sniffed. "Someone needs to change their diaper," she said, disgusted. "Where are the diapers, Hermione?"

"Here," I said, handing her the bag I had filled with baby diapers and food and such.

"Help me change her diaper, Harry," Ginny said. "Boys need to know how to do this stuff."

He put down the textbook he had on his lap and sat next to Ginny in the sun as she spread out the blanket to change Ginevra on.

"What are you doing?" I asked Ron, scooting over to sit next to him.

"Transfiguration homework," he grumbled unhappily.

"Need help?" I asked.

He nodded fervently.

"Lets see... "What is an Animagus?" Ron, you know this!" I said.

"I know, I just can't concentrate," he said sadly.

"Why not?" I asked, putting the piece of parchment on the grass next to us.

He shrugged.

"Oh, come on. You know perfectly well why not," I replied.

"I guess I just... Sort of... Miss us..." he said quietly.

I was surprised. He missed us? And here I was thinking that he was going to hate me forever when he really missed us!

I smiled. "Really?" I said.

He nodded and looked at me. "Really," he replied.

He slowly leaned into kiss me. It felt good, like things were normal again. But then I came rushing back to reality as our lips parted, and I remembered that they weren't normal, and that they never would be normal ever again. I looked at Ron. He was staring at the ground, his cheeks tinted pink.

"That was nice," I said.

He licked his lips and opened his mouth, as if to say something. But he didn't. Instead, he got up, took his things, and walked up to the castle.

00000

When Ginny and Harry finally finished changing Ginevra's diaper, I brought her back into the castle. She was asleep by the time I reached the Gryffindor common room so I brought her up to my dormitory and left her there. I really needed some time to myself, some time to think, so I just left her there hoping that she wouldn't wake up and start bawling her eyes out while I was gone.

I walked slowly through the castle, thinking. Just a little bit less than a month ago, I had turned down a kiss from Draco, whom I had feelings for. Then Ron kissed me today, and left, as if it made him uncomfortable or something. This was all so puzzling to me. Who did I really have feelings for? Why did Ron just leave? Was Dr-

"Sorry."

I was walking and staring at the ground, so I bumped head first into someone. I looked up. It was none other than Draco himself.

"Hermione," he said, looking slightly surprised.

"Draco," I responded monotonously.

"I think we need to talk," he said.

I nodded.

"Did I do something? Because if you're still upset about that kiss, I'm really sorry-" he began.

"No, it's not that," I said. I shrugged and leaned against the wall. "I've just been... confused lately. I mean, I have feelings for you, but then I turn down your kiss for some reason. And then today Ron kissed me and then just left as if he really didn't mean to do that or something. My life's just so... insane right now."

"I'm sorry," Draco said.

"For what?" I asked.

"I don't know, for the attempted kiss, I guess," he responded.

"Don't apologize," I told him. "I don't know why I didn't even accept it. I'm just so confused." Suddenly I felt as though I just wanted to cry. I felt like I just wanted to rest my head on Draco's shoulder and let every tear in my body out right at that moment. I tried to hold it back, but the waterworks just started coming and wouldn't stop.

"W-why are you crying?" Draco asked worriedly.

"Oh, Draco," I said, my voice barely a whisper. I laid my head on his shoulder and hugged him.

At first he kind of just stood there as though he didn't know what to do. Then he started awkwardly rubbing my back, until he finally started speaking.

"It's okay, Hermione," he said. "You're at an extremely stressful and hectic time right now, no one can blame you for the way you're acting. No one's going to get mad or anything. Don't try and do anything for anyone else, follow your heart and do whatever feels right."

Was I actually hearing these words come out of Draco Malfoy's mouth? If Ron could see and hear the way he was acting right now then maybe he wouldn't be _as_ mad at me about who I slept with. I could barely believe it, but he was being so sweet right now, and I was happy for this moment that he was Ginevra's father rather than someone else unsupportive and mean.

I suddenly remembered something I had been wondering for a while. I pulled out of the hug to ask Draco.

"Draco," I said, "why do you hate your family so much?"

He didn't respond at first. He looked at the floor and made a weird noise with his breath.

"My parents are just unsupportive assholes who take pride and joy in making my life a living hell and putting insane amounts of pressure on me," he finally explained, still staring at the floor. He sounded as though he might start crying.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that," I said.

"No, it's fine. I've said so much about it but never explained," he told me, looking up. His eyes were shining.

I hugged him again. I could even feel my shoulder getting a little bit wet. But when we separated a few minutes later, his eyes were dry.

"I needed to talk about it, anyway," Draco said, as if he were continuing what he was saying before.

I smiled and kissed him, without even thinking. It just seemed like the right moment. We were both sad, and were comforting each other, and every time I thought about when he tried to kiss me outside of the Transfiguration classroom, I regretted pulling away. Now was my chance to make it up to him. I had forgotten how nice it felt to kiss him. I wanted to be with him again. I wanted to run into the nearest classroom, pulling him in with me, and rip off all his clothes. But I couldn't. I still loved Ron. I loved Draco, too; I loved them both. I was torn.

00000

A/N: It's kind of sappy and weird, but I didn't want you all thinking I was just going to go ahead and make the couple be Ron/Hermione since she actually kissed him. Then again, maybe it will be R/H in the end. You'll just have to wait and see...

Please review!


	8. Everything to Fear

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

00000

Chapter Eight

Nothing else happened with me and either Draco or Ron for another month. I guess I didn't really want anything to happen between any of us. Things were getting awkward and I really needed time to think about everything that was going on. I observed them in class and talked to them both frequently to try and decide which one I had greater feelings for. But I couldn't decide. Maybe they would decide for me.

Ginny knew what was going on. After my little fiasco with Draco, I told Ginny everything that I was feeling. I told her all my thoughts and every single thing that ran through my head.

"So, do you know anything yet?" Ginny asked me one evening when she was sitting with me and Ginevra in my dormitory.

I shrugged. "Not really," I told her. I groaned and fell back onto my bed. "I hate this! Why couldn't I just like one of them! Everything has to be so difficult for me!"

"Aw, it's okay," Ginny said, sitting next to me on my bed. "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon. Don't complain, you're lucky that you have two boys chasing after you."

I threw my pillow at her.

"Hey!" she cried, hitting me back.

00000

The next day I saw Ron sitting by himself under a tree outside. I decided to join him. Ginevra was currently napping, so I didn't have to bother with her luckily.

"Hi," I said, sitting down next to him in the cool grass. "Where are Ginny and Harry?"

Ron shrugged. "I haven't seen them in a while," he informed me. "They've been missing lately."

I giggled.

"I don't want to think about it," Ron said, blushing.

There was a moment of silence. Ron seemed kind of awkward around me. How I longed for things to be normal again!

"This is the same tree where you kissed me," I pointed out. "A month ago."

Ron nodded slowly.

"Why did you walk away that day?" I asked. "What happened?"

He shook his head. "It would never work out for us," said Ron. "I mean, lets face it; you have a kid with Malfoy. That in itself makes things... so much different. She's just a living reminder of what happened, and although I would love it if things were different, it would never happen. We just have to face the facts and know what's what and that we can never have a relationship ever again. Maybe if we weren't dating when she was conceived, it would work but unfortunately, we were." He sighed.

I looked at the ground. "I don't know what to say," I told the blades of grass blowing lightly in the breeze.

"There's nothing left to say."

"I'd better go check on-" I didn't want to say Ginevra's name. Ron had just told me about how much it hurt him just to see her. So I just got up and walked quickly back to the castle, not looking back.

I know I wanted someone to choose for me, or for one of them to do what Ron just did, but it still hurt. It still hurts to be turned down by the guy you love, even if you want him to do it and there's another guy out there. It still feels like a slice in your heart.

00000

I spent time by myself for the next few days. I told Ginny what had happened immediately, but she completely understood that I wanted to be left alone. Three days later, though, there was a knock on the door of my dormitory.

I looked up. Ginny walked inside and closed the door behind her.

"You should talk to him," she said, still standing in front of the door.

I sighed. "You're probably right, but that doesn't mean I'm going to," I responded.

"Please, Hermione," said Ginny. "This is going to eat away at you forever. And from what I hear, he's good at making you feel better."

I sighed again. I was doing a lot of that lately. I closed my eyes and settled into my bed as though I were going to sleep. I wanted to cry but my eyes were dry and the emotions weren't running high enough.

"Just think about it, okay?" Ginny said to me. I then heard the door open and close again.

I knew that I should go- no, that I had to go- but I was too scared and tired to do it. Maybe I thought he would turn me down also. Tomorrow I would. Tomorrow, I promised myself.

00000

So tomorrow came. It came faster than yesterday went, which was pretty fast.

I found him in the hallway, which was where I generally found him. He was alone, as usual. I didn't see him spending much time with his usual crowd- Crabbe, Goyle, etc- lately. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Draco," I said to him from one end of the corridor.

He looked at me. "Hi, Hermione," he said, walking toward me. "What's wrong? You look upset..."

"I want to talk to you," I said, my heart rate speeding up with every word I spoke.

"Okay."

"I didn't know what to do for a long time," I said, not quite knowing where to start. "So I've been thinking for a while, and I've come to one conclusion." I looked up at him, into his eyes. He looked confused. "I love you, Draco. I love you so much. and I love Ron, too, but," I shrugged, "it wouldn't work out for us, and we both know that. You're the one that I know I have to be with. For Ginevra, for me, hopefully for you... I don't even know what I'm saying... I'm just spilling out everything that's in my mind right now. I just want you to know because I want you to know... Everything…"

"I love you, too, Hermione," he said, hugging me tightly. "And I want to know everything you have to say because, as much as I didn't show it or as much as I hated to admit it, I've loved you this whole entire time. I know how much of a bastard I've been to you for most of your life- and mine. But you've forgiven me and..." He kissed the top of my head. "I love you, and that's about all I can say."

My vision became blurry. My eyes were brimming with tears. But I held them back. I wasn't going to cry. For the first time I was not going to cry. I looked up at him and kissed him for a long time.

00000

And that was what happened. That's how I got where I am today with a husband and three kids and a nice home. I'm still close with Ginny, and I keep in touch with Harry and Ron, but now I have a person living with me who I love more than life itself.

Now I know that everything happens for a reason. If I hadn't ever had Ginevra, then my life would be very different. I probably would still be happy, wherever I was, but I'm not sad with the life that I live now, and I don't think I'll ever regret anything that's ever happened, or that I've ever done that has helped my life turn out the way it has.

And that is my story.

00000

A/N: Um, did anyone actually enjoy the ending? I didn't really know how to make it longer so I put the ending where I did. Erlack... Was that enjoyable in anyway? Please review and I'll try and re-write it if it sucked that bad. But I'm at a bit of a writer's block at the moment...


End file.
